Humility: Willingness to Accept the Truth

This definition is the synthesis of my reading and reflection on the virtue: humility is willingness to accept the truth; it is, in particular, willingness to accept the uncomfortable, the difficult truth, the truth which wounds self-love because it contradicts one's inflated self-image. The humble man is at peace with the truth; indeed he wants to know and live in it (St. Teresa of Avila). He does not desire to live in comfortable illusions.

The proud man, by contrast, seeks in various ways to cling to flattering falsehood and is disturbed by the truth. For instance, the intellectually proud man over-estimates his faculties of discernment, comprehension, perception, memory, reasoning, and judgment. Therefore he thinks he knows and understands things which he in fact does not. (He rashly judges people, as well as intellectual subjects.) He will think he is relating information or telling a story accurately when he is in fact getting it garbled. He will answer questions not directed to him, interrupt others, and not let them get a word in edgewise, because he thinks it is more important that what he has to say be said. He is moreover dismissive of contrary opinions and hostile to correction, for if he is wrong, this implies that his intellectual faculties are less than he thought they were. The more deeply invested he is in error, the more he has defended and buttressed it and the more tightly he has integrated it into his worldview, the more painfully he must eventually humble himself, or be humbled, for the more unflattering will be the admission he must eventually make, here or hereafter.

Incidentally, a scrupulous man may think himself humble because he attributes many sins to himself, but he can be quite intellectually proud insofar as he obstinately clings to his own judgment whereas it is obvious to everyone else that his judgment is warped.

The morally proud man has an inflated opinion of his own goodness. He will be hostile to, unwilling to admit, the proposition that he is in the wrong. He does not want it to be true. Therefore when the proposition reproaches him, he will set his mental gears spinning to the end of justifying or at least maximally exculpating himself. He will be creative in his profusion of excuses. He will also seek validation from others by telling them his own tendentious version of the story of his dispute. If he is forced to admit his error to himself, he will at least not wish to admit it to others. Therefore he will have an aversion to apologizing and seeking reconciliation even when he has a duty to do so. Contrariwise, when it became clear to St. Peter that he had overestimated his own fortitude (Matt 26:33), he owned the truth and repented.

Naturally, a proud man will respond in the same manner to the question "whose fault is it" when it arises in a practical context, when something goes wrong and he is implicated. He will set his mental gears spinning to the end of figuring out how and why it is that he is not to blame. The humble man, by contrast, knows his weaknesses and limitations, and so is not surprised at his failures, and so finds no difficulty in owning them.

One excuse of the proud man is that such and such (e.g., living chastely or temperately, observing a certain discipline) is not possible for him. This may seem humble, inasmuch as he is stating something negative about himself. However, it is only a ruse to avoid admitting the truth, which is worse. That which is not possible does not oblige. If he can not do such and such, then it is not his fault that he does not. This is less unflattering than admitting that he can, but chooses not to.

The humble man, who is radically open to the possibility that he is wrong, will, through correction, grow in self-knowledge. When he is shown that he has made a certain mistake, he will realize that he may have made that sort of mistake before and that he may make it again. Thus humility and correction enable him to root out his habitual or repeated vices and errors.

The proud man seeks ways to pad his ego, to feel better about himself, for example, by putting someone else down. "I'm alright seeing that I'm not as bad as so and so." Such behavior is represented in the debate between Sinon and Master Adam in the thirtieth canto of Dante's Inferno.

The humble man does not seek to compare himself favorably with others. If another man is undeniably less virtuous than he, he will remind himself that, as far as he knows, this is the case merely because God has gratuitously blessed him with more unmerited grace. As far as he knows, the sinner has been more faithful and generous in response to whatever grace he has been given than he. Indeed, the humble man is radically open to the possibility that he is the most negligent of all in his response to grace, and will not be surprised if the general judgment reveals that this is so. St. Francis said to himself, "Francis, if the Most High had given so much to a thief, he would be more grateful than you!" (St. Bonaventure, Legenda Maior, ch. 6) As a general principle, the humble man, when he does not know the facts, inclines to believe whichever possibility reflects least well on himself.

The humble man is indifferent to the relative difference in sanctity or any other noble quality between himself and others. He wills that God should receive the maximum glory from creatures, without caring which He receives it from, himself or another. Concretely, he labors to sanctify himself, but this is because this is the means of glorifying God which is most immediately within his power. He is not out to win a competition for himself; he is quite pleased if, having done his utmost to glorify God, others are still holier than he. In the Litany of Humility we pray, "That others may become holier than I, provided that I become as holy as I should, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it."

Another thing the proud man will tell himself is that his vices are not the worst, that he is not really that bad, and that he has redeeming virtues. "I am impure, but at least I am not cruel. Besides, I am honest." He will tend to underestimate the gravity of his vices. If he persists in them, he may end up denying that they are vices altogether. Many souls, by violating Christian morality, have led themselves to reject it. Conversely, the proud man will overestimate the relative importance of the qualities in which he excels (e.g., craftsmanship, intelligence, cleanliness, beauty, ascetic or legal observance, etc.) and bind his self-esteem together with them.

The proud man will be prejudiced toward believing that he has a higher vocation than he does. He will harbor ambition for high and noble office because he thinks he deserves it. He will tend to think the vocation or position which he does occupy is nobler than it really is. And if his personage does bear a high dignity, he will be huffy and defensive about it, quick to fault others for insolence and insufficiently deferential behavior.

The humble man does not wish others to have an inflated opinion of him. Therefore he has no use for pretense. He is at peace with others knowing the truth when it reflects ill on him. Therefore he feels no need to lie about his past. He is at peace with others not knowing the truth when it reflects well on him. Therefore he feels no need to brag or show off. He does not mind not getting the credit for the good he does. He is even at peace (aside from his grief over the offense against God) with others believing and speaking ill of him falsely. Therefore he feels no need to defend himself. If he comes off looking badly in a situation he does not feel compelled to correct the impression. In synthesis, the humble man is at peace with, is not disturbed by, the fact that others' opinions of him are what they are, and is therefore under no interior impulsion to change them. He knows that he is what he is in the sight of God, no more and no less, therefore he acts so as to please God and does not long for his personal vindication in the sight of men, even that at the general judgment.

Again, humility liberates one from the interior impulsion to defend and promote one's ego, both in the court of self-regard and in the court of the regard of others. Thus liberated, one is free to act according to reason. "Is it God's will that I defend or promote my reputation in this circumstance, or that I should remain silent?" The humble man will decide according to prudence and moral theology, while inclining to remain silent, in imitation of Christ.

The proud man tells himself that he should be able to enter an occasion of sin, in which he has fallen before, and not fall. "It's going to be different this time." He has no basis for saying so, only an inflated faith in his own resolve. He may also resent that things are occasions of sin for him which he thinks ought not to be, which he wants to be able to do.

The proud man will tend to assign to his own experience a normativity which it does not possess. That is, he will assume that the way things are for him is the way they are for everybody. "People are more awake in the morning than in the evening." This is one feature of an overly self-centered worldview, on account of which the proud man will lack understanding for and behave callously toward people who are different from him.

One metaphysical and theological truth which the proud tend to forget is that God is the source and principle of all goodness. Therefore the creature must attribute all the good that is in him to God and none to himself. "What have you that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if it were not a gift?" (1 Cor 4:7) Our Lady lived this truth: when St. Elizabeth praised Mary's faith, she immediately referred the glory to God (Luke 1:46-49).

A proud man can also steal glory from God more subtly by undeservedly inserting himself between the ultimate source of good and its final expression in his life. He may attribute certain of his ethical or other achievements to his own exercise of his God-given natural faculties or to merited grace which in fact came from direct inspiration or unmerited grace.

The proud man also finds it difficult to accept the fact of the limits on the sovereignty of his will. The creature is not sovereign over, cannot effect his will over, the reality (persons and things) which surrounds him, nor autonomous, i.e., sovereign over himself. He cannot or ought not to realize all his desires, even per se good ones, for this is often either not possible, not appropriate, or not prudent. The humble man is at peace with this truth in all its practical outworkings whereas the proud man is not. On the contrary, the proud man insists on having his way and imposing his will when he ought not to and becomes angry and flustered when he cannot.

An illustration: the desire to keep a space clean is good and legitimate per se. Yet there may be good reasons not to keep a space as clean as one would like. Perhaps other tasks are more pressing and important. Perhaps the mess belongs to one's roommate and he would not like someone else rearranging his stuff. Perhaps it is someone's job to clean the space and this person would be insulted if someone else did it for him. Perhaps one could command a subject to clean the space but should refrain from doing so because that subject is already overburdened. In such situations the humble man will let things be other than he would like them to be, for this is the will of God. On the other hand, the proud man will refuse to change or give way to accommodate others. He will impose his will even at the expense of offending others or making onerous impositions on them.

The proud man will insist on correcting others when it is more prudent to refrain. He becomes frustrated because he cannot change others' minds and hearts. Note well, it is good to desire that others would cease to practice vice, but not good to hate the fact that one cannot stop them from doing so, that is, to hate one's own lack of power. It is good to want people to understand things, but not good to become angry with them because they do not understand and one cannot make them understand. When God wills (actively or passively) that others fail to understand, or wills to permit others to practice vice, the humble man conforms himself to God's will.

A certain sort of proud man is very fussy and particular; he has narrow ideas about the way things must be or are supposed to be. He will tell himself that his way actually is the right way although other ways may be nearly as good, equivalent, or even better. (The humble man is always open to learning a better way.) When another person does things otherwise, he may undo or redo his work. If this person responds in kind, and puts things back the way he had them at first, this can lead to absurd little squabbles, in which the combatants move things back and forth.

The proud man does not know his place. Certain behaviors which are appropriate to others are not appropriate to him, on account of his station in life. If he is a subject and not a superior, then it is his place to obey and not to command. It is his place to be corrected and (generally) not to correct. He should treat his peers as peers (not as subjects), and his superiors as superiors (not as peers). He deeply dislikes all of this.

The proud man feels he must always be in confident possession of the situation in which he finds himself. He will become flustered if things do not go according to plan, if things are a little haywire, a little out of control. The humble man, because he does not mind not being in control of things and does not mind seeing his will thwarted, can roll with anything. He will make the best of the situation and trust the rest to God.

The more deeply one is invested in a plan or endeavor, the larger the thwarting of the will involved when it does not pan out, does not turn out well, or is damaged or destroyed. For example, if one exerts great effort in preparing a meal, it can be disappointing and frustrating to see that it is not properly served or appreciated. But the humble man can take this in stride. The proud man is attached to his own will and hates to see it thwarted, whereas the humble man is detached and says, "blessed be the holy will of God."

The proud man is averse to changing course. He will not wish to cut his losses and abandon a project, even when this is the most prudent course of action, for this may involve an admission that his decision was flawed from the outset, and will certainly involve the thwarting of his intention.

The proud man does not like being under the authority of, or in a position of weakness, dependence, or determinacy with respect to another. (Such an attitude is illustrated by a religious who has an aversion to asking permission of his superior because he hates the fact that his superior can say no.) It will be especially galling to the proud man to be under the authority of one whom he regards as beneath him. If a proud man must suffer a state of subjection to another's will, he will attempt to console himself by subjecting someone else to his. (Such an attitude is illustrated by a son who does not like that his father bosses him around, and so bosses around his younger brother.) The proud man will assert his will as a means of establishing a pecking order. He will clash wills for the purpose of making the other give way or submit. In such a contest, the one who gives way is the victor, for it is this which requires the greater moral strength. If someone humiliates a proud man he will retaliate by attempting to humiliate him.

The humble man accepts the fact that he is not in complete control even of his own body, passions, memory, and imagination. When his lower nature acts against the higher law of his will, he serenely recognizes that this is the heritage of original sin and his own personal sins, that he is wounded, and that God will heal him in His own time. On the other hand, the proud man becomes angry when his lower nature acts against his will. Similarly, he becomes angry even at inanimate objects which do not do his bidding. He will swear at and kick machines which do not work properly. He gets mad at traffic for being in his way.

Humiliation is the exposure of the uncomfortable truth, to oneself or others. A Christian should desire humiliations, not because they are pleasant, but because they are good for the soul. A humiliation is a bitter pill, but it is medicine. If accepted with serenity, it is efficacious for growth in humility. By choosing to accept the bitter truth, rather than suppressing it, one grows in willingness to do so, just as by cleaning toilets one grows in willingness to do so. How well one reacts to humiliations is the most reliable barometer of humility.

Humiliations come in various forms. For instance, a proud man might find himself in a situation or role which he regards as beneath his dignity. "I am a Doctor of Philosophy, and you expect me to clean toilets?" Mary was the Mother of God yet she went in haste to serve St. Elizabeth. Next, a proud man may be required to perform tasks which he is not good at. His mistakes will reveal his weaknesses and limitations. Again, falling into sin may be a humiliation, for the sinner may have thought that he was not the sort of man who would do such a thing, yet, evidently, he is. Having one's faults revealed before others is a humiliation, as is the discovery that others think ill of one falsely. It is a humiliation to be justly rebuked, accurately corrected. Being laughed at is a humiliation which the proud cannot stand.

Any sort of frustration of the will, any situation in which one cannot cause or prevent something which one would dearly like to, qualifies as a humiliation. Such situations are comprised under the name of contradictions. For example, a proud man may find it humiliating that he is unable to win a game, especially against someone he thinks he ought to be able to beat, such as a girl. In games, the proud man is a sore loser and the humble man a gracious one.

One excellent humiliation is having one's will constricted, suddenly being stripped of one's freedom to make choices one has been heretofore accustomed to make for oneself. This occurs in a dramatic fashion when one enters religious life. Suddenly the postulant makes far fewer choices for himself about how he will spend his time and who and what he will surround himself with, for these are determined largely by the schedule and religious obedience. If the postulant reacts violently against this, this is a sure sign of pride.

Humility is foundational for mental prayer and progress in the ascetic life. In meditation, God will shine the light of truth on the soul and reveal painful facts. One must accept them if one wishes to advance. Similarly, humility is foundational for apologetics. It is a necessary disposition for learning and for advocating for the faith in a truthful and attractive manner.

If, reading this, all you could think was "I wish so and so would listen to this," this is a sign that you are proud. First examine yourself to determine to what extent it applies to you.

Ben Douglass
December 29, Anno Domini MMXI

Further Reading

St. Bernard of Clairvaux, The Steps of Pride and Humility.
St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, par. II-II, qq. 161-162.
St. Alphonsus Liguori, The True Spouse of Jesus Christ, ch. 11.
Fr. Cajetan da Bergamo, Humility of Heart (TAN, 2006).
A Year with the Saints (TAN, 2009) ch. 2.